


Weak

by Bookworming



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Chae Hyungwon, Chae Hyungwon-centric, Dating A Celebrity, Gay Sex, Heavy Angst, M/M, Oneshot, Sad Ending, Smut, Top Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Wonho is an idol, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:09:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28596006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookworming/pseuds/Bookworming
Summary: Hyungwon thought he knew what he was getting into when he started dating a famous idol but lately it has been too hard. Weak as he is, he can think of just one solution.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon & Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Chae Hyungwon/Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Hyungwonho
Comments: 12
Kudos: 45





	Weak

**Author's Note:**

> After months of not posting anything I've finally got some angsty (mildly smutty) Hyungwonho that no one asked for~   
> If you're looking for some angst and a bit of smut, this is for you :3

_Pleasure and pain._

Such overused terms, thanks to the plethora of erotic fiction that was so popular these days. Endless rows of books with covers showing half naked bodies, attached to one another. Or if they were trying to be more subtle- a man loosening his tie, a woman wearing a mask, a pair of blood-red lips or the odd ring or perfume bottle. The names of these books were even better. ‘Wild Desires’, ‘The Divine Thirst’, ‘Seduction Games’, ‘Sinful Addiction’ or some such combination of words.

Books like these had made the words pleasure and pain meaningless with their repetition and yet, these two words alone summarized his entire ‘relationship’ with the famous idol who was practically tearing the clothes off him in that moment. Expert that he was, he didn’t even need two hands to unbutton Hyungwon’s shirt. The other was busy unzipping his jeans and sliding them down his legs. Meanwhile his upturned lips, which Hyungwon found mesmerizing, were busy sucking bruises onto his throat, interrupted only by broken sentences about what all he wanted to do to him.

Hyungwon barely took in a word though, the combined pleasure of Hoseok’s hands and lips too powerful for him to focus on his words. He simply allowed Hoseok to take the lead, tilting his head backwards to give him better access and closing his eyes, unable to hear anything over the mad fluttering of his heart. His body, like his mind, seemed to be aware of how long it had been since he’d felt Hoseok’s touch.

Within seconds, they were both devoid of clothing and Hoseok was leading him towards yet another unfamiliar bed. His hands were cold from the wind outside but Hyungwon welcomed the icy burn. What was such pain when compared to the pain of long and lonely bus rides to remote hotels?

Hyungwon pushed himself backward on the sheets and as Hoseok climbed on top, he couldn’t help but admire him. As far as he was concerned, Hoseok was one of the most beautiful people he had ever laid eyes on and certainly the most attractive person he had laid with. Being a celebrity, he had to take care of himself in a way Hyungwon never could but obligation aside, Hoseok truly enjoyed being fit and healthy and spent more time at the gym in a day than Hyungwon did all year.

Within seconds Hoseok’s lips were on Hyungwon’ and unlike his hands, his lips were hot and wet and Hyungwon was already holding back a whimper which came out anyway when Hoseok’s lower body made contact with his own.

“Fuck.”

It was the first word Hoseok had uttered that evening that he heard.

Then Hoseok was moving his hips and Hyungwon’s eyes had rolled back in his head. Both of them were hard, Hyungwon painfully so.

As usual, Hoseok had him incoherent, begging within mere seconds. 

“Please Hoseok- please just- fuck-”

But he knew Hoseok well enough by now to know that he would drag this out till neither of them could take it. And that was what he did as he trailed his burning lips down Hyungwon’s chest and sucked on his nipples- letting his hands roam all over Hyungwon’s body.

He let out a stream of expletives and moans and closed his fist around the only thing he could find- Hoseok’s hair. Hair, that should have been rough from all the times it had been dyed but was soft to the touch- or the grip, in this case. Hair that had been black like his the last time they’d met but was now a bright blonde.

He was fine, he could endure it. Or so he tried to delude himself, until Hoseok’s head was between his legs and his lips had closed around his dick.

He could not. There was no way he could. Had it been another day he might have but not that day. “Hoseok, I’m begging you. Fuck, please get on with-” but once again his words ended in a moan as Hoseok’s mouth opened wider and took in more of his length.

Hyungwon let go of Hoseok’s hair and fisted the bed cover instead. The insipid room at once came alive with filthy wet sounds and ragged breathing.

Yet another defiled hotel room.

Maybe luck was on Hyungwon’s side for once because Hoseok seemed to realize that neither of them could hold out for too long and so even as he sucked on Hyungwon’s dick, he pushed his legs further apart, inserted a finger in his hole and then another before letting out a surprised ‘hmm’

He then pulled off his dick with a lewd _pop_ before smirking up at him (and Hyungwon could swear that it was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen) and saying, “Did you have some fun while I was gone, _baby_?”

Hyungwon whimpered in response before gesturing for Hoseok to _hurry the fuck up_ , while he was still not thinking straight. But Hoseok was in a mood to tease. “Is he better than me, babe?” he asked, inserting a third finger with ease and massaging Hyungwon’s prostate. “Does he keep you up at night? Does he have you crying with pleasure,” his fingers moved faster with every question and Hyungwon whimpered again, “the way that I do?”

Hyungwon struggled to get out words. “Shut- shut up.” They both knew that the _he_ Hoseok was referring to was the dildo he had gifted him the last time they had met. It was true that the dildo had kept him up at night but he wasn’t going to admit it. “If you don’t fuck me right now-”

But he never got to utter his threat because in a swift movement, Hoseok’s fingers were replaced with his dick and Hyungwon let out a loud gasp that almost immediately turned into erratic and breathless moans.

Breathing just as heavily, Hoseok asked, “You were saying, baby?”

“S-shut up and fuck me, you coward.”

“Coward? That’s new.” The breathless laugh that accompanied Hoseok’s words was just as beautiful to Hyungwon’s ears as Hoseok’s smile was to his eyes.

A smile he’d last seen in one of the endless photos Hoseok- no, _Wonho’s_ fansites had uploaded. Which fansite had it been?

But Hoseok would not let him be distracted by his thoughts just then.

Bruising kisses along his jawline and neck in addition to the erratic thrusts had him whimpering, eyes rolling backwards, jaw slack, loving and hating just how weak and defenseless he became every time they had sex.

Which was every time they met.

Hoseok’s grunts and broken whispers of how fucking beautiful Hyungwon was only drove him further over the edge. Within moments both knew.

Hoseok came first with a cry of Hyungwon’s name, face buried in his now sweaty neck and that had Hyungwon coming right after, nails digging into Hoseok’s back, an uncharacteristically loud moan escaping his lips.

Then Hoseok rolled off him and as they came off the high and Hyungwon began to countdown the seconds, dread filling his guts like never before. Using the wet wipes he’d brought, he cleaned himself up best he could, wondering how busy Hoseok would be that day. Usually he left almost right away.

Sure enough, within a minute, Hoseok had caught his breath and was up, stretching his arms above his head and giving Hyungwon his classic charming smile. Hyungwon threw the used wipes and stared at Hoseok, waiting for the goodbye that was sure to come. However, he was distracted from the less than pleasant thoughts by the setting sun which was casting a beautiful red-orange glow on Hoseok’s face and neck through a gap in the curtain. Had the curtain been shut the entire time? He didn’t remember shutting it but it didn’t matter because there was nothing around the hotel and more importantly, the evening sun made Hoseok’s eyes look like liquid chocolate and made his eyelashes cast an alluring shadow below his eyes. How he wished he could look at him forever, never have to say goodbye…The contrast of his pretty eyes and lips and his sculpture- like perfect, naked body made him the most handsome yet most beautiful man Hyungwon had ever been in love with. So achingly in love with. Never had he wished more that he could freeze a moment forever.

He and Hoseok, bare, bathed in the sunset glow in a blurry hotel room, more in love than they had ever been.

But even as the thought occurred to him he knew it was impossible on multiple accounts.

Hoseok leaned down with a confident smirk and Hyungwon’s body didn’t yet know yet what his mind did, so naturally his stomach filled with butterflies and his head became light as Hoseok approached, making him dizzy with nothing but the way he smelled, his heart aflutter with anticipation of Hoseok’s perfect lips on his own.

Just like always the kiss was too short.

Too painful.

“What do you say we take a quick shower?” Hoseok asked, fingers tracing patterns on Hyungwon’s shoulders.

“A shower?”

Hoseok nodded gently.

The news that Hoseok had time didn’t fill him with happiness as it normally would have.

“Make good use of the room, what do you say?” Hoseok continued, fingers reaching across the back of his neck to play with the ends of his hair. Before Hyungwon could answer though, Hoseok mumbled, “Hold on,” before flinching like he’d been hit. “you _cut_ your hair? Why would you do that baby? It was so beautiful!”

At the nickname Hyungwon tried not to flinch too. For a few months now he had maintained hair that reached just slightly below the base of his neck, knowing that Hoseok had loved it on him but like with several other things, he had had to let go of it. After a pause he said, “Taking care of it was… too hard.” It was the first coherent sentence he had spoken aloud all evening.

Hoseok pouted for a bit, hands running over his neck where his locks used to reach. Luckily, he seemed to accept quickly that nothing could be done. “Well, since it’s you it still looks good. Anyway, let’s go shower quickly. I have a radio interview at 8 and have to film for a variety show later at night so I’m not going to get the time to shower later.” With that Hoseok let go of him and walked over to the singular cupboard in the room to look for towels. Hyungwon shivered at the loss of contact, staring wistfully at the empty space in front of him before sighing and groping around for his clothes.

Meanwhile Hoseok had managed to find the towels and was speaking with his back to him as he examined them. “These are surprisingly good. They even have more than two. Which one do you want-,” turning, he noticed that Hyungwon was starting to get dressed, “why are you putting on your clothes? Aren’t you going to shower with me?”

Hyungwon, who had already pulled on his jeans pulled on his sweatshirt and checked that any hickeys Hoseok had left were covered before replying. “No… I think I’ll just shower at home,” he picked up his wallet which had fallen out of his jeans pocket, “Hyungshik left for Gwangju this morning so I can take a… nice long shower.”

And maybe drown in it.

“Hyungshik was in Seoul?”

Hyungwon started grabbed his bag and his winter jacket. “Ya he- he had some work. I sort of texted you about it.”

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t get any texts cause I was-”

“On tour, yeah,” Hyungwon interrupted, finally looking Hoseok in the eye. “Anyway, I’d better get going before the traffic gets worse.”

And Hoseok being Hoseok had the audacity to look hurt at his response. “I thought we could shower together, you know. It’s been ages. Are you going to say no because of some _traffic_?”

It _had_ been ages.

“Next time.” Hyungwon promised. Lied.

He didn’t think he could fight it for much longer after all.

“Okay… I’ll text you.” Hoseok said. Or lied. But maybe in his case it wasn’t intentional.

Hyungwon nodded and started towards the door only to pulled back by Hoseok into an unexpected hug, his strong arms wrapping around Hyungwon’s slender frame like a warm fire on a cold winter day- not unlike the weather that day. After four months of meeting and seven months since he’d last been held like this, he had forgotten what it felt like to be hugged by the man he was madly in love with, but his body remembered and ached to melt into the embrace he’d been dreaming of every night.

“Bye, Wonnie.”

Resolve weakening at the nickname, the first sob left him before he could stop it. He hurriedly disguised as a hiccup. Not giving Hoseok the chance to check up on him, he squeezed once before pulling away and all but ran out of the door, not allowing himself to look back at Hoseok. Even without looking though, he could picture the confused expression on his face. Once outside, he ignored the elevator and ran down the stairs, past the dingy reception, all the way till the bus stand at the end of the block and there he collapsed on the bench before the interrupted sobs returned with an intensity he had not foreseen.

Burying his face in his hands he cried, his mind filled with images of Hoseok bathed in the orange light, charming smile on his face, having not the slightest clue that this would be the last time they kissed. The last time they laid with each other- even if it was for a few moments.

And Hyungwon would kill to go back, to run straight into Hoseok’s arms and kiss him once more- tell him that it wasn’t his fault- not entirely, but that it hurt too much to keep going. And that he knew that Hoseok loved him but he didn’t really know anymore and it hurt too much to go home alone. He would have given anything to go and say all this but he couldn’t so he cried, knowing that Hoseok’s car would be by the back gate meaning he’d never see him like this.

“Student? Here- are you okay?”

Hyungwon froze momentarily before realizing that it wasn’t Hoseok’s voice that had called out to him. Of course not. He tried to steady his breathing before uncovering his face and wiped at the tears before glancing in the direction of the voice.

An elderly man was seated beside him, holding out a bunch of paper napkins, eyes filled with concern.

“Student, are you okay? Are you sick?”

Did he still look like a student?

“Did someone hurt you?” The man went on, pushing the napkins into his hand.

The concern from the stranger threatened another set of sobs from him but he swallowed them down and used the paper napkins before attempting to answer.

“I’m… I’m-”

But somehow he couldn’t bring himself to say that he was fine. After all everything was falling apart.

From henceforth he would remain Hyungwon and Hoseok would remain Hoseok but he would no longer be his Hoseok.

No, he would now be Wonho to him like he was to the rest of the world.

“Well, forgive me for asking a stupid question. Obviously you’re not okay. Should I scold someone?”

And despite himself Hyungwon smiled through his teary eyes. “No but thank you.”

A minute passed in silence as they waited for their respective buses and Hyungwon’s mind was once again swimming with memories of Hoseok crying out his name, face contorted in pleasure when the elderly man interrupted his thoughts with another question, “A while ago… why were you crying?”

“The reason why I was crying?”

Hyungwon bit his lip. One reason? There were hundreds.

This was the last time he would see Hoseok which meant he’d never see him smile at him or laugh at his snarky comments after this. Never see him smirking confidently, fully aware of the effect he had on Hyungwon.

Never run his fingers through his hair or have him do the same to him.

Never cry out his name as they made love or never curl up against him in a warm hug.

The fact was that they would never do anything together again because they were breaking up and Hoseok didn’t even _know_ that they were breaking up. All because Hyungwon was too much of a coward to tell him how he was starting feel used. Starting to hate himself for being weak enough to go through with it for all these months and yet being too weak to continue with it- with all the sneaking around and living under constant fear of being caught.

Someone else might have been able to do it but Hyungwon was too weak and tired of being jealous of Hoseok’s fans who got to hold his hands and show their love for him freely, when he couldn’t even leave a little love-bite on his body because it could ruin his career. An idol dating was bad enough but dating someone of the same sex? That was simply out of the question.

He’d understood all this when they’d first started dating but it hadn’t stopped him from wanting to be held by Hoseok and loved by him in front of the people he cared about. It hadn’t stopped him from wanting to bring Hoseok home and show him off to his friends and family like they were in a normal relationship- like they didn’t have to risk _everything_ just so they could spend less than an hour with each other.

But Hyungwon was weak and so he’d done it for this long- taking three or four buses to meet Hoseok at some remote hotel just so that they could spend a few moments together- before he went away again for months at a time.

He had considered speaking to Hoseok about his dilemma but had reconsidered quickly after his vague mention of how their relationship was more like ‘friends with benefits’ and made Hoseok cry and think that he didn’t deserve Hyungwon.

When he’d finally come to the conclusion that they had to break up he’d decided to do things on his own- not having the courage to hurt Hoseok again. He knew that if they talked things out he’d never be able to leave and so running away like this was his only choice.

It was ironical really, how he’d called Hoseok a coward when he was the real coward.

In the distance he could see the bus he had to take to get to Seoul.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me.”

The grandpa must have concluded that he didn’t want to admit his reason for crying. Turning to him he said, “No, it’s okay. It is because my house is very far.”

“You… You were crying because your house is very far?”

Hyungwon smiled humorlessly. “Yes. It was… very hard to come here, you see. And it is going to be even harder going back.”

Hyungwon expected the grandpa to scoff or at least look at him weirdly but to his surprise the man nodded in understanding. As the bus pulled up he looked at Hyungwon and said, “Best get it over with, son.”

And straightforward as it was, he knew it was right so he nodded and muttered a thank you before boarding the bus, heading straight for the back. As the bus started he looked out of the window in vain for a glimpse of Hoseok but turned ahead quickly. Soon the bus was racing past the suburbs into the heart of Seoul, the twilight sky now dark and hollow like him.

Finally, after transferring to two different buses and even the subway Hyungwon reached home- or at least what used to be his home till today before it was stripped of all his belongings.

Hyungshik was waiting for him with his bag and a sympathetic look in his eyes.

“Ready to go home?” He asked, no doubt noticing how red his eyes were.

“Almost.” Hyungwon mumbled before reaching into his pocket for his phone and using a safety pin to remove the SIM card in it. After hesitating briefly, he tossed the little square into the bin with all his other trash and took his bag from Hyungshik before saying, “ready.”

_Goodbye Hoseok_.

_Goodbye weakness._

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't ask me to change the ending but I'd love to hear your thoughts so feel free to drop a comment!  
> Kudos are equally appreciated <3 :D


End file.
